Cascade Warbirds Equipment Upgrade
"France's Greatest Pilot" or "A Day In The Life of the French Air Force"
I have now reached the rank of officer in the
FAF!
As a lowly private, in true French fashion, on the
weekend I courageously flew my Blen on a defense
mission to an empty field beside a grove of
trees. After a lunch of fine wine and cheese I took a
relaxing nap in the shade of one of the trees. When I
awoke I was hungry again so I finished off the wine
and cheese but I over ate and was uncomfortably full.
So I decided to take a walk around the tree
grove...but it was more like a forest! By the time I
got back to the Blen it was nearly dark and I was
hungry and thirsty. Having no more food and drink and
with darkness approaching, I decided to head for home.
I tried to start the engines...but they were cold from
sitting idle all day. I had to manually crank the
engines to prime them...nearly exhausted from the
walk, heat of the day and now this! The engines
finally fired and as I rolled down the field to take
off I barely had enough strength left in me to pull
back on the controls.. narrowly clearing the trees at
the far end of the field. Not out of danger yet as
the controls were so heavy I pulled back the stick and
pushed the throttles through the gate...the engines
were howling I had to lose some weight! The bombs,
Yes I will drop zee bombs...but I am over France...who
cares! As I dropped the bombs I prayed I had gained
enough altitude...I had, the bombs exploded well
behind me landing on a pig pen! Haha I
laughed...Roast pork for everyone, they died for
France. I was now nearing the airfield...it was a ten
minute flight. I was exhilarated, I had the strength
to land. Ease off the throttles, flaps, gear all
check, landing into the wind...This is a lot for a
Frenchman to remember. A perfect landing! Talk about
courage under fire. As I neared the hanger and shut
the engines off I saw my flight Commander
approaching...as I exited the plane he offered me a
warm greeting, and asked where I had been all day. As
I related my traumatic story to him he slapped me on
the back and said he was putting me up for promotion!
He said I was a credit to the ideals of the FAF!
And now I am an Officer, I hope I can live up to the
example that I have set. I can now fly the glorious
H-81.
Watch out Gerry!
Size Counts
Shortly after just landing at a big
international airport in his Cessna 150, our hero strolls into the busy
airport cafeteria for a bite to eat. He finds an empty table by the
window to keep an eye on the airport comings and goings. Shortly
thereafter, a striking woman walks up and asks to share his table.
Naturally, he invites her to sit down.
After several minutes of small talk, the woman asks if he is a pilot. He
responds, "Why, yes, I am -- I fly a C-150." Knowing next to nothing
about airplanes, she asks him what a C-150 is. The pilot looks out the
window and spots a C-130 Hercules taxing out for takeoff.
Pointing to it, he tells his companion, "See that plane over there? That
is a C-130. I fly a C-150!"
Glossary of aviation terms:
Emergency generator - device which generates emergencies, also known as a simulator.
Landing light - preferable to landing heavy.
Bank - owners of mortgage on aircraft.
Walkaround - procedure when waiting for better weather.
Briefing - spending a long time saying nothing.
De-briefing - spending a long time saying nothing after you have done it.
It seems that it was a very busy day and a "good ol' boy" American (Texas-sounding) AF C-130 Reserve pilot was in the instrument pattern for landing at Rhein-Main. The conversation went something like this...
Tower: "AF1733, You're on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
AF1733: "Rog-O, Frankfurt. We're bringin' this here big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fur ya."
Tower (a few minutes later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now one-and-a-half miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
AF1733: "AF thirty-three reinin' this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Tower: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now one mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
AF1733 ( sounding a little miffed): "Sir, do y'all know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?!"
Tower (without the slightest hesitation): "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."